Baka Ki
by Seito
Summary: [EdRoy hints Insane, randomness] Chaos breaks out at Central when a tree suddenly pops into Roy's office. A tree that fast forward and rewinds itself... (R&R)


Mesa no own FMA

Seito: This was supposed to have been post on Christmas but my computer got screwy and I ended up without a computer for weeks. Yeah so it's being posted now.

Anyways as you will read this story is completely, random and insane (mind you since this was written almost a month ago half the jokes are from a month ago) and was written when I was hyper and bored. I don't own the tree (explained in the story) but this story does have a point (before you go complaining to the admin about it). The point? Write an odd story with Ed/Roy hints and possibly annoy the hell out of my muse.

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_Baka Ki_

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It started off as a normal day. You know… the birds were singing, the sun was shining, people were rushing off to work, and one authoress (after spending seven hours of shopping and with a band performance later that night) was sugar high. Yes, and as any self-respecting person will tell you, that's not a good thing. (BIG SMILE)

Since yours truly, the authoress, is currently hyper and possibly insane, this story, which seems normal, will NOT be normal. After all it starts with a tree appearing in Roy's office…

Mind you, this tree doesn't belong to this authoress, but rather to another random, also possibly insane, hyper authoress. (Known as QianYun, formerly known as The La/-/er) so this story's credit should go to her. Well actually, the tree belongs her friend and I asked her (QianYun) for permission to use it. So maybe the story's credit goes to QianYun's friend. No, wait, she doesn't even know I'm using her tree… ARGH! The tree belongs to my friend's friend, there. The credit of the story goes to … someone. This tree is a unique tree, but I don't need to tell you that. You'll find out soon enough….

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Roy walked into his office, not looking forward to spending another day doing paperwork. Hawkeye had already given him an earful for coming in late. It wasn't his fault. His sister (whom this authoress has placed in randomly) had him file papers with her all night long. Roy was beginning to see why his sister hated the records department at Central. The stupid records department screwed up more files than he could imagine. How can one person misplace the same file more than fifty times?!?!?!

Of course, Roy wasn't paying attention nor was he fully awake. So you can imagine his shock when he tripped in the middle of the clear floor of his office.

Roy looked at what he tripped over, ready to burn it whatever it is. What he didn't expect was a tree stump…

That's right a tree stump

A T-R-E-E S-T-A-M-P (wait that's not how you spell it) S-T-U-M-P (there we go)

**A tree stump**

A tree stump that wasn't there yesterday

A tree stump that couldn't have possibly grown there

A tree stump … how the hell did that tree stump get into his office in the first place?!?!!!!!

I can't stress that enough to you….

Apparently Roy didn't believe it either.

Within minutes, Central's top scientists (every single Alchemist) was in Roy's office, poking and jabbing at the mysterious tree stump that appeared out of nowhere. Yet nothing they did to it, (freeze, burn, cut down, dig up, blow up) could move the stupid stump. It's was as if some higher power/being (or as QianYun would say, or lower power/being depending on your perspective) placed it there. The poor guys (and girls), they were facing something they COULDN'T solve for the first time, as QianYun would tell me. (If you can't tell, I was talking to her as I wrote this story).

That was, until word reached them that the Fullmetal Alchemist was coming back from his latest mission…

Central's Alchemists gave a (bitter) cheer. Surely the Genius Alchemist, Fullmetal, (also known as Edward Elric) could get rid of the stump. After all, the boy became a state alchemist when he was what, twelve years old? A feat unheard of; surely HE of all people could get rid of the stump.

"Fullmetal!"

"Oh hi, Colonel," said Ed in a sarcastic tone. "Listen the next time—"

Roy didn't let him finish, dragging the Ed straight his office. Mentally, Ed began to panic. He had heard too many stories where the boss and some employee would have sex in the office and …. Well, we're not going to finish that thought even though we would love to.

Of course, Ed could only fall over when Roy told him to get rid of the tree stump in the middle of his office. Strangely though, Ed couldn't make out the reasons why there was everything from pieces of ice and glass, broken furniture, burn marks and a big hole around the tree there.

However, before Ed could do anything, he noticed the stump was growing taller… (Something the other alchemists missed, don't know how) Giving a yelp and then jumping into Roy's open arms, Ed could only stare in shock. He wasn't the only one, Roy was too. Until Roy noticed that Ed was in his arms… their lips weren't even a full foot apart…

And that gap got smaller.

And smaller.

And smaller.

HOLD ON! Focus on the story here!

And the gap still got smaller…

Until leaves appeared on the ground and floated up, attaching themselves back to the branch. The leaves started off red, yellow and orange, but as they attached themselves to the branch… they slowly began to turn green. The tree was growing backwards. Okay that defied the laws of nature, hell, it defied everything that makes sense in this war-bitten world. While you people try and figure out how the tree is doing this, this insane authoress will be running away from angry Roy/Ed fans.

Ed gave another yelp. "What the hell?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Roy wondered along the same lines. Sadly, it also completely ruined their so-called romantic moment.

Then again, the same thing would happen to you if a tree suddenly appeared in your office and started growing backwards. After all it's known as the rewinding/fast-forwarding tree.

Then the tree began to shrink.

And shrink.

And shrink.

Shrinking until it was a tiny stem and finally to a seed. Ed (who left Roy's arms) bent down and poked the seed. Outside, the Alchemists who were watching gaped like fish out of water. Was that all they had to do?! Wait for it to shrink until it was a seed again?!?! All the Alchemists waiting outside felt like idiots. (Poor guys and girls. You need a hug…)

"So you still want me to get rid of … this seed?" asked Ed. He pointed to the seed that was on the ground.

No sooner had he said that, everything went into fast forward gear. The seed suddenly sprouted and grew!

And the tree grew.

And grew.

And grew.

And grew.

And I'm sure that all you people are angry that I keep repeating myself (kicks off the white shoes that were a part of the band uniform), but I can't really help it. It's the tree.

Of course, everything was fine until the tree grew so tall that it broke through the roof of the office. Now Roy, being the gentleman he is, grabbed Ed and jumped out of way of the falling roof. So now there was a tree, growing out of Roy's office and above Central. Strangely, no one outside noticed the big tree appearing out of nowhere. Of course everyone in Central were gaping like big fat idiots. Many of the alchemists decided to go home for the day. This was too much for them.

When the coast was clear, Ed and Roy walked back into the office, staring up at the big tree. But being the two they are, both didn't watch they were going and tripped… and fell into the tree.

**IN. TO. THE. TREE.**

Yes you read right. INTO the TREE. Right now QianYun is currently wondering how much of her writing style is rubbing off onto me and believing she should be getting paid for this. Of course this authoress is currently broke (can't even rub two pennies together), so this authoress can't even pay her friend for quoting her so much. I believe QianYun is currently laughing her head off right now…

Now falling into a tree is weird… Especially since you shouldn't be able to fall INTO a tree. Of course, you must remember, today is not a normal day. So after seeing everything that happened so far, it shouldn't be surprising to find that the tree they just fell into was filled with snow.

But since this doesn't happen to everyone, Ed and Roy could only just stare and gape as the readers wonder how many times a person can gape and stare in shock in a day. Then again moving and talking vines (that shouldn't exist) were quite a shocking.

Yes, I will repeat again just to make sure you read right.

**MOVING AND TALKING VINES!!**

Got the message? Good, then we can continue.

Feeling something grab him, Ed immediately slapped Roy on the cheek. "HENTAI!" Poor Roy, he had a handprint on his face now…

"What was that for?!" yelled Roy. He hadn't done nothing… yet.

"You were…" Ed was cut off as vines suddenly hugged him.

"HUG!!"

Perhaps glomp would be a better word. How vines can glomp a person is beyond anyone's understanding.

The vines released Ed, or rather, dropped him into the snow and then went to glomp Roy. "HUG!!!"

"What the—?!" Roy struggled to get out of the vines' grip. It wasn't working. Perhaps some 'persuasion' will get them to let go. He made a small spark with his gloves. Instantly the vines when back to Ed, hiding behind the younger alchemist, using him as a shield.

"Hey, get away from me!" shouted Ed. He ran away, but the vines followed.

"Leave him alone," commanded Roy. He sent another spark towards the vines, the snow instantly melting around them. The vines shook, shivered and disappeared back underneath the snow.

Ed and Roy went back to staring. Now that they thought about it, how on earth were vines growing in the middle of snow? There was a big gust of wind that sent the two of them flying. A snowstorm, if you would like it call it that.

Then with a crash and a bang, both were outside of the tree again, wet, cold and freezing. Ed glared at Roy. "I never want to do that again," he told the Flame Alchemist. Roy could only nod in agreement. That was when Ed sneezed. Looked like Fullmetal was coming down with a cold. Since Al had already left with Havoc for the day (and this crazy authoress wants to add in fluff) who on earth was going to take care of poor sick Ed? Where will he stay? Of course the obvious reason was right next to him. Roy…

But that's another story…

The two of them left. They wanted nothing more to do with this. So night fell and the tree disappeared again. But the story doesn't end here. Of course not. Hmm… I like using the phrase 'of course'.

The next morning, which started off like a normal day, Roy's sister who was known for her organizing skills, was called into the records department… again. Strange how Roy's sister (who's name is Rayna) is called into the records department everyday to file papers when she doesn't even work in that branch. Of course, going to the records department always ticked Rayna off. A few times she dreaded going there… today happened to be one of them.

"Hell no…"

In the middle of the records department, papers and files covering the floor, was a tree. The same tree that she had to go help and remove from her brother's office (failed to do so). Rayna (also an alchemist) was ready to freeze something. Too bad she didn't get a chance to…

"HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Seito: -grin- odd right? Hopefully if you're reading this, it means you survive this crazy story. So you can do this (insane) authoress a favor and…

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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